Desperately
by iwannagibbs
Summary: Kinda, sorta, a song fic. Gibbs is thinking about leaving NCIS because of his relationship or lack thereof with Jenny. Ducky tries to help. Loosely based on 'Desperately' as sung by George Strait. Rating just to be safe in Ch. 2.
1. Chapter 1

The usual disclaimer applies.

Author's note: Sort of a song fic loosely based on George Strait's "Desperately". This is a first attempt at a story based on a song so who knows how it will turn out. Every time I hear this song I think it is a perfect JIBBS song so I'm including the words and you can see what I mean. So….here goes.

DESPERATELY

NCIS Special Agent Jethro Gibbs was in the emergency room at Bethesda Naval Hospital. Again. For the fourth time in the last six months he was being treated for injuries sustained on the job. NCIS Medical Examiner Donald 'Ducky' Mallard was on his way to the hospital. Again. As he parked his car in the ER parking lot Dr. Mallard thought back over the last six months and sighed. He had been making too many trips to the hospital to either stay with or pick up Gibbs. He had begun to be concerned after last month's fiasco when Gibbs was injured during an arrest. That day Tony DiNozzo and Tim McGee, members of Gibbs' team, had confided to him that the Boss, as they referred to Gibbs, seemed to be taking too many unnecessary chances and putting himself too much in the line of fire so to speak. Ducky had tried to talk to Gibbs about what was going on but as usual he was brushed off with, 'it's nothing Duck, just a scratch'. In fact it had been a flesh wound but would have been much worse if the suspect's aim had been just a bit better. Dr. Mallard was not sure what he would find when he entered the ER today but he was prepared to confront his old friend this time and not allow Jethro to brush him off. This time was different. This time Tony had been injured too. Not seriously, thank heavens, but that was beside the point. Ducky knew Jethro took his responsibility to his team very seriously and he was certain Jethro would be more upset at Tony's injuries than his own.

When Ducky entered the emergency area he found McGee and Ziva David, the other member of the team, waiting for him. They told him Tony was getting some stitches in his arm and would be ready to go in just a little while. Gibbs on the other hand was in worse shape.

"What happened?" Ducky asked Ziva as Tim left to go find Tony.

"We approached the suspect's residence and Gibbs sent Tony and Tim to check the garage, told me to cover the back entrance and then he went in the front. Apparently the man was waiting just inside the door and hit Gibbs with a bat before he even got two feet inside the room. Gibbs dropped his gun of course and the man got in several more vicious hits before Gibbs could regain his senses and fight back. He took quite a beating, Ducky. I think they want to keep him here overnight and you can imagine how he will react to that."

"What about Tony? What happened to him?"

"I heard the commotion from inside the house and called for Tony and Tim. I broke the window in the door and then Tony rushed up and reached inside to open it and cut his arm rather badly on the glass. He will be fine. He actually shot Mr. Stuart as the man was about to take a swing at Gibbs' head. Probably saved Gibbs' life I would guess."

"Thank goodness you were able to get in there and salvage the situation."

"You know Ducky, Gibbs should not have even been in that situation anyway. I hate to say this but it was sloppy for him to go in the house alone in the first place. One of us should have been there with him. He would never have allowed one of us to go in alone."

"What are you suggesting, Ziva?"

"You know this is the fourth time we have had to bring Gibbs to the ER in the last few months. He is getting almost careless, Ducky. Something is wrong. He takes too many chances; always for himself of course, not with us. It is like he doesn't care what happens to himself. We are hoping you can talk to him and find out what is wrong."

"Of course I will talk to him. I tried last time but he refused to discuss it with me. I will be more demanding this time. Do you have a theory as to what is the matter?"

"I believe this all has to do with the Director. Ever since Jenny has been here Gibbs has been on edge and much more so in the past few months. Something is wrong there. I am right, aren't I Ducky, that they were more than just partners in Europe?"

Ducky looked around to be sure they were still alone. He trusted Ziva to be discreet and he knew she was very close to the Director. Still, he wanted to guard Jethro's privacy and the Director's as well. "Yes, Ziva you are correct. They were much more than just work partners. They were very much in love. Jennifer chose her career and left Jethro after Paris. I don't think he, or Jennifer for that matter, ever got over that. I will talk to him and see what I can do. Have you asked Jennifer about any of this?"

"No, but I know she is concerned. I can tell by the way she looks at Gibbs that she still cares for him but she won't ever admit it. Stubborn woman!" Ziva laughed and continued, "They really do deserve each other you know."

Ducky chuckled and agreed. "If only we could help them see that. I better go see how he's doing." With that Ducky walked off in search of Jethro's doctor and the patient himself.

He found Gibbs still in a trauma room in the emergency department. His left arm was already in a splint and from the waist up he was covered with bruises and cuts. The doctor was standing at the x-ray viewer when Ducky entered the room.

"Ah, Dr. Ryan, we meet again." Ducky greeted the man who always seemed to be on duty when Jethro was admitted.

"Hello, Dr. Mallard. Yes, here we all are again. This time quite a bit more serious than last month but not as bad as it has been. Agent Gibbs took quite a beating today. I'm afraid we need to keep him overnight for observation and you know how much he likes to be here."

"Hey, I'm right here you know. I can hear you talking about me." Jethro growled as best he could but with the condition he was in and all the pain meds he had been given it didn't come out sounding very threatening.

"Of course, I'm sorry Jethro. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I want to go home Duck. But these guys are saying I need to stay. Can you tell them I'll be fine at home."

"Well, let's see what Dr. Ryan has to say Jethro."

"He has a rather serious fracture of his left arm which I can't cast yet. Looks like two cracked ribs and lots of bruising and contusions to the chest and abdomen. The facial bruising isn't too serious; bad enough but no permanent damage. He did take a blow to the kidney area which could be trouble. That is the main reason I want to keep him here. We need to monitor his kidney function overnight and get his arm in a cast tomorrow. I don't see any internal injuries or bleeding which is surprising considering he was beaten with a baseball bat. All in all, Jethro, you are lucky. Again. You really do need to try and stay out of here for a while."

Ducky turned from listening to Dr. Ryan to look at Jethro for his response but Jethro was asleep. Just as well Ducky thought. He definitely needed to stay in the hospital and it would be easier on everyone if Gibbs slept through most of his stay. Especially the first few hours.

Dr. Ryan smiled at Ducky and said, "Lucky for me he fell asleep. We gave him some pretty strong pain meds so he should sleep for a few hours at least. You know, Ducky, I like Jethro but I seem to be seeing him way too often these last few months. I hope his run of bad luck is about over."

"Me too, Frank. I'll tell his team what his condition is and then I will be staying for a while. I'll see you later I'm sure."

"Alright. Don't worry, Ducky, he'll be fine."

Ducky returned to the waiting area and told Tony, Ziva and Tim that Gibbs would be staying overnight. He explained what all Gibbs' injuries were and suggested they go back to NCIS and finish up what they needed to do and then go home. He told them he would call Director Shepard and inform her of the situation. Reluctantly the three agents left the hospital and went back to work. Returning to work with their boss still at the hospital was becoming an all to familiar occurrence for them.

Ducky found an office he could borrow and phoned the Director. "Jennifer, I wanted to let you know Jethro's condition. Do you have time to talk now?"

"Yes, of course, Ducky. How is he? What happened this time?"

"He will be fine. He has a broken arm, two cracked ribs and numerous bruises and contusions. He took quite a beating, Jennifer. They are keeping him overnight to monitor his kidney function because he took at least one blow in that area with a baseball bat." Ducky heard Jen gasp at that and knew she was probably having a hard time hearing all this. "I think it's really just a precaution. Dr. Ryan won't be able to cast his arm until tomorrow which is just another reason to keep Jethro here. He will be fine, my dear."

"Do you think I should come down there Ducky? I'm worried about him. He seems to spend more time at the hospital lately than he does at home."

"Jennifer has anything happened between the two of you lately?"

Jen felt her caution flags come out at that question. "What do you mean?"

"Jethro's team is concerned that he seems to be taking too many chances with his own safety lately. I tend to agree. I just wondered if you had any insight into what could be the cause of this rather cavalier attitude."

"Nothing has happened between Jethro and myself. I don't expect anything will be happening. He argues with me just as he always has. He is difficult to deal with most of the time but that's nothing new." Jen paused for a moment before resuming, "you know Ducky, in the last couple of months he has been somewhat distant. He hasn't been barging in nearly as much as he used to. I just chalked that up to his team being so busy lately. Honestly, Ducky, we don't talk much anymore so I don't know what's going on with Jethro. You would be the one to find out. You are the only person he seems to trust anymore."

Ducky thought he noted a tone of sadness in the Director's voice as she finished talking. He knew her well enough to know she was more than just a little worried about Jethro. In fact, if he had to bet he would say she was itching to come to the hospital and see for herself that her lead agent was alright.

"I intend to talk to him but he is sleeping right now. They knocked him out with some pretty strong pain medication. I will call you later and let you know how he's doing. Good bye Jennifer."

Ducky phoned his assistant, Jimmy Palmer, and told him to do the preliminary work on Mr. Stuart when the body arrived. He told him he would not be back in the office today and then went to Jethro's room to wait for him to wake up. Two hours later, as Ducky was finishing a quick lunch, Jethro began to come around. Ducky walked to the side of the bed and looked down on his friend's battered body.

"Good afternoon, Jethro. I hope you are feeling a little better after your sleep."

"What time is it Ducky? And why am I still here?"

"It's just after 1:00 Jethro and you are here because Dr. Ryan is concerned about the beating you took particularly the blow to your kidneys. He wants to make sure you don't have any problems there. And you will need a cast on your arm in the morning. Just try and relax although I know that's hard for you to do in a hospital."

Gibbs managed to raise the bed up just a little so he could sit up a little bit. Moving around proved to be a painful exercise so he didn't do too much of it. "Was anyone else hurt?" he finally managed to ask when he caught his breath.

"Tony cut his arm rather badly on some glass when they broke in the back of the house. He had some stitches but will be fine in no time." Ducky noted that Jethro seemed to be just barely listening to his answer. His eyes closed and although he wasn't asleep, Jethro seemed to be someplace else.

"What's going on with you Jethro? And don't say nothing. You have been here four times now in the past six months. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to come here to see you. I hesitate to say this Jethro because I don't want to believe it but you seem to be getting careless with your own safety. What's happened?"

Ducky expected a fight from Jethro after his last statement but none was forthcoming. Jethro just sighed and looked out the window refusing to look at his friend for a long time. Finally he turned and looked at Ducky and said, "I just can't do this anymore Duck. You're right. I have been getting careless. And today Tony got hurt because of it. You know, I don't really care what happens to me but I can't believe I let my own carelessness get one of my people hurt. That is the last thing I should ever let happen. I just can't do it anymore."

To say Ducky was stunned would be the understatement of the year. He had expected Jethro to deny his accusations vehemently and to demand to be left alone and sent home. Instead, Ducky was hearing defeat and surrender from his friend, two things he never expected to come from the mouth of Jethro Gibbs.

"What are you talking about Jethro? You can't do what anymore?"

"I can't keep on working like this Duck."

"Jethro, back up and tell me what you mean. Are you saying you want to quit NCIS?"

"Yes." Jethro gave that one word response quietly and without much conviction.

Now Ducky was really confused and worried. NCIS and his team was all Jethro really cared about as far as Ducky could tell. Something very serious was going on here and he didn't have a clue what it was. He couldn't imagine that this was all because of something that might have happened between Jethro and Jennifer. Sure they argued frequently and Jethro had slammed in and out of her office since the day she arrived but that was just the way they communicated. It had always been a volatile, loud, passionate relationship but they had always managed to find a way to focus and get the job done. There had to be something else going on here and Ducky was determined to find out what it was.

"Jethro, you can't be serious. Your career and your team is everything to you. You can't honestly tell me you want to walk away from all that. What in the world has happened to make you talk like this."

Jethro shifted in the bed and tried to put his thoughts in order so he could explain himself to Ducky. He had been thinking along these lines for months now and today just confirmed for him that he needed to get away from this job. It wasn't that he wanted to quit; he felt like if he didn't leave he was going to make a really big mistake and someone besides himself was going to get seriously hurt or even killed. He didn't want that on his conscience. The answer to Ducky's questions was really very simple. Jenny Shepard. Jethro wasn't sure how to explain that to Ducky but he knew he owed his oldest and most trusted friend at least an attempted at an explanation.

"The simple answer is that I can't continue to work for our esteemed Director, Ducky."

Ducky wasn't really surprised by that answer. He looked directly at Jethro and said, "Can you tell me why?"

Jethro smiled and said, "I can try. When Jen first became the Director I thought I could handle her being back and us just having a working relationship. Over time I started to realize that was going to be harder than I thought but I still felt like I could manage. I remember exactly when I knew it wasn't going to work because it was when my truck was in the shop for a new starter. The day it was ready to be picked up Jen and I had a real knock down drag out fight about a case. There was a lot of yelling and some pretty harsh words were exchanged by both of us. I went storming out of her office and left. I just walked for a long time and tried to calm down. You know how she can get me so fired up that I can't even think straight. I thought if I just got some air I would be okay and I could go back and talk to her calmly. I caught a cab and went to get my truck. I guess the guys in the garage had left the radio on and I just let it play on the way back to the office. There was some country song on that for some reason just stuck in my head. I didn't think about it at the time but later I heard it again. Anyway, when I got back to the office I was much calmer and I decided I would go talk to Jen and try and work out what was wrong. Well, when I got off the elevator she was coming down the stairs all dressed up with Senator somebody holding her arm. She didn't say a word to me, she just smiled and walked right past me like I was invisible.

Needless to say I was furious. Honestly I was hurt but you know I tend to turn that into furious. Anyway I just went home and drank and sat in the basement. I didn't even work on the boat that night. The radio was on and it was on some country station from when DiNozzo had been over there. Before I got too drunk I heard that song again. I managed to catch the words this time and it just seemed to have been written about me and Jen. I know that sounds crazy coming from me but there it is. It was about some guy who was desperately in love but the woman had left him and now he was all alone and still in love with her. I just couldn't get that song out of my head. I realized I still love Jen and I can never have her. In the song the guy is just sort of going through the motions of life and I realized that was exactly what I was doing.

Before Jen came back I thought I was happy or at least as happy as I ever expected to be. I had my work and my team and my boat. I didn't think I needed anything else. But when I saw Jen that first day in MTAC I was blown away by how I felt about her. Seeing her brought back all the good memories and very few of the bad ones. But she told me right up front that we were finished and there wasn't going to be anything but business between us. I thought I could handle that but I can't Ducky. I love Jenny and I can't have her and it's tearing me up. I don't intentionally put myself in danger but I guess I just don't have as much survival instinct as I used to have. I can't put my team at risk so I need to get away; I need to quit before I get somebody killed."

When he finally stopped talking Jethro sank back on the pillow and closed his eyes. He hadn't talked that much or that honestly to anyone in a very long time. He wondered what Ducky was thinking and he knew it wouldn't be too long before he knew the answer to that question.

Ducky was amazed at what he had just heard. Jethro had certainly never been that open and honest with him about his personal life before. He marveled at Jethro's insight and willingness to tell him the truth. 'Now' he thought, 'I just have to figure out how to get him to repeat all that for Jennifer'.

"Jethro, have you talked to Jennifer about all this? Never mind. I know you haven't. The better question is why haven't you talked to Jennifer about all this?"

"You're right, I haven't talked to her about any of this. I guess because I know what she'll say and I just don't want to hear her say no again. It would be like her leaving me all over again and I don't want to go through that. Maybe it's the coward's way out but I would rather be the one to leave this time."

"I understand you think you know what she would say but what if you are wrong. Isn't it worth the risk? What if she has changed her mind? What if she still loves you Jethro? Are you sure you want to throw away even the smallest chance to have what you so desperately desire?"

"Do you know something I don't Ducky? What makes you think there is even a chance that Jen still loves me?"

"I don't know anything for sure Jethro. I know that Jennifer cares about you and I believe she still loves you. Call it my gut instinct if you will. I also know that you are not the kind of man to walk away from a challenge. We both know Jennifer can be very challenging but so can you my friend. You two have too much history together for you to just walk away without giving it your best shot if you truly still love her. Don't sell yourself short, Jethro, you can be very persuasive when you want to be."

"I'll think about it Ducky. Now, why don't you go on home and I'll see you tomorrow. All this talking has worn me out."

"Yes, I think I will go home. I will see you in the morning and give you a ride home. Try and behave yourself until then. And think about what I said Jethro. It's never too late until you give up."

Ducky arrived at the hospital at 8:00 the next morning knowing Jethro would be anxious to leave. Dr. Ryan had just finished casting Jethro's arm when Ducky walked into the room.

"Good morning Jethro, Dr. Ryan. How is our patient this morning?"

"Hello, Dr. Mallard. Gibbs is very well this morning considering he was used for batting practice yesterday. The kidneys seem to be fine and the arm will be healed up in a few weeks. The break was clean and not too severe so I'd say four to six weeks should do it. Of course the ribs and the bruising will just take time to heal. I suggest limited activity through the weekend at least, Jethro. You can go back to work on Monday but try not to get into any close combat for a while. Okay?"

"That is my intention, Doc. I appreciate everything. Hopefully, I won't be seeing you anytime soon, at least not professionally."

"Good. I'll sign all your paperwork and the nurse will be in to finish up. Take care of yourself and I'll see you in four weeks to look at the arm."

A nurse came in shortly and had Jethro sign his paperwork. She gave him a prescription for pain meds in case he needed them and a reminder card for his appointment to have his arm checked in four weeks. Then, because she knew him, she let Jethro leave with Ducky without the normally required ride in a wheelchair. That made her life easier and Jethro happier so it was a win-win situation.

When they got to the car Ducky asked, "Have you given any thought to talking to Jennifer?"

Jethro gave his friend a sideways glance and said, "Yes, I've given it some thought but I'm not sure how to proceed. You know I'm not very good with words and feelings and all that. Jen would probably throw me out on my butt anyway. She was pretty mad the last time I saw her."

"You were very eloquent yesterday, Jethro. I happen to know Jennifer is not angry now and I don't think she would throw you out; you are injured remember. Why not use that to gain some measure of sympathy and at least get your foot in the door so to speak."

"I don't know Duck. I'm not sure what to say to her. We used to communicate without even talking to each other but now all we seem to do is yell and threaten each other. I better go home first."

Ducky was expecting this line of conversation and he was prepared. "Jethro, just tell her what you told me yesterday. You do remember that don't you?"

"Yeah, of course I remember. I don't think I want to base my argument on some country song I heard on the radio while I was getting drunk in the my basement. I mean come on Ducky, I could have made the whole thing up."

"Well my friend as a matter of fact I can help you with that. I very discreetly spoke to Abby about the song and she found it for me. The song is Desperately sung by George Strait." Ducky reached for something on the seat and handed it to Jethro. "It's on this CD. I listened to the song Jethro and you're right it seems to fit your situation perfectly. I suggest you talk to Jennifer and when the conversation comes around to the song you play it for her. I think it is a beautiful song that says just what you want Jennifer to know. If you don't feel like you can tell her how you feel, let Mr. Strait tell her for you."

Jethro looked at Ducky and rolled his eyes. "You won't let this go will you? I should have known better than to tell you what I was thinking. It must have been the pain pills they gave me. Some things can't be fixed Ducky. Can I just go home, please?"

Exasperated, Ducky pulled the car into a parking lot and stopped. "Answer me one question Jethro. Do you love Jennifer?"

Jethro sat looking straight ahead. He didn't answer for a long time but finally he sighed deeply and said, "Yes, I love her. But…"

"No buts Jethro. You have lost too many people you loved when you had no control over the outcome. I can't let you just walk away from Jennifer without at least helping you try to win her back. Isn't she worth fighting for? Isn't the possibility of a future with her worth any amount of effort no matter how hard it may be for you?"

Ducky pulled back onto the road and continued driving. Jethro did not answer. In a few blocks he would have to turn left to take Jethro home or right to take him to Jennifer's house. He knew she was at home today because he had called her there and told her Jethro was being discharged this morning. She had told him to call her at home if there were any problems or he needed anything. As they approached the decisive intersection Ducky asked, "Which way Jethro?"

"Right." Jethro didn't need to look at his friend to know there was a smile on his face.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

The usual disclaimers apply here.

I hope you like it so far. This is the conclusion of Desperately. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Once again the song used in this chapter is 'Desperately' as sung by the very awesome George Strait.

**DESPERATELY**

**Chapter 2**

As Ducky made the right turn that would take them to Jennifer's house instead of his own, Jethro was already having second thoughts. He told himself he was being stupid; surely he could talk to the woman he had been in love with for over six years. He was a Marine after all and she probably only weighed 120 pounds if that. Of course she was an excellent shot and he did have a broken arm. Maybe Ducky was right, maybe she would take some pity on him and not be mean since he was obviously injured and hurting. He just hoped she didn't go for the ribs; they were still pretty sore. In fact if she hit him any place above the waist he was going to be in big trouble. Just a couple more blocks and they would be there. He wondered if Ducky was going to stay or just drop him off and leave him at Jen's mercy. As if Duck was reading his mind, Jethro heard him talking to him.

"Jethro, I'm going to let you out and I will stay until you are safely in the house. Just kidding. This is serious business Jethro and I sincerely hope you are able to have a good talk with Jennifer. Just be honest with her as you were with me yesterday. You know you can call me if you need anything even a ride home. I'm hoping you won't need that."

"Thanks Duck. I appreciate you wanting to help me. No matter what happens I will know that at least I tried. If Jen says no then I will be asking for a transfer so I hope that doesn't happen. I meant it when I said I won't stay here unless something changes."

"Let's not think about that right now. Good luck Jethro."

Jethro got out of the car and stood looking at the front door of Jen's home. He had been here many times over the years and the house held some very nice memories for him. He sincerely hoped today would add to that store of memories and not be the last time he visited here. While he was still standing in the driveway, Ducky drove off and the front door opened. Jen stepped out on the porch dressed in some casual cotton pants and a loose tee shirt. She was slightly startled to find Jethro standing in her driveway looking like an advertisement for medical insurance.

"Oh, Jethro, I didn't expect to find you out here. How did you get here?"

Jethro swallowed a few times and finally said, "Ducky dropped me off. I wanted to talk to you Jen. Is it okay if I come in?"

"Of course. I was just going to putter around in the flowers but I can do that anytime. Come in and sit down. You don't look like you should even be out of the hospital. Are you sure you're okay Jethro?"

"I'm fine. Well, maybe not fine but okay. Still a little sore but I have some really good pills for that if it gets too bad. It looks worse than it is."

Jen led the way into the house and directed Jethro to the couch in the living room. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yeah, that would be great. You know how much I love hospital coffee." Jethro settled on the couch while Jen went into the kitchen to get the coffee.

As she got out the mugs and poured the coffee, Jen wondered what Jethro was doing there. He used to drop by fairly often but had not been to her house in several months. The same several months that he had been avoiding her office and her in general. Whatever he had on his mind it must be serious for him to come here straight from the hospital. Jen knew how much Jethro loved being at home in his basement with his boat. It was his sanctuary, the only place he seemed to always be at peace. Of course she didn't know that even the basement wasn't a sanctuary for Jethro anymore.

When she came back into the living room she found Jethro had settled on the couch with his head back on the cushions and he seemed to be asleep. He opened his eyes however, when the scent of coffee reached his brain. He sat up carefully and took the offered mug of coffee.

"Thanks. This is the first real coffee I've had since yesterday morning. Very good."

"You're welcome. What did Dr. Ryan say this morning?"

"He said my kidneys are fine and to come back in four weeks for him to check my arm. He said I could go back to work on Monday but no close combat for a while."

"That sounds like good advice. Ziva told me what happened Jethro. It sounds like it could have been much worse. I'm glad the idiot didn't hit you in the head. I have to ask, what were you thinking, going in alone like that? You know better than that Jethro."

"Yes, I do know better but can we skip the safety lecture for now? I need to talk to you about something else." Jethro tried not to sound pissed off but he didn't think he was doing a very good job. He was a lot more stressed about this than he thought he would be.

"Of course. I'm not interested in starting a fight with you Jethro. But I am concerned that your actions in recent months have been almost reckless. I am your boss remember and I am concerned about the fact that you have been spending an awful lot of time with Dr. Ryan lately."

Jen knew she was being bitchy but she was wary of why Jethro was in her house and what he wanted to talk about. He was being uncharacteristically calm. She knew that Ducky was involved in this somehow and that made her suspicious. Ducky might have her best interests at heart but his idea of what that meant and hers were very likely two different things. She knew Ducky loved Jethro and wanted the two of them back together. Something was definitely going on here and Jen was determined not to be suckered into their scheme.

Jethro set his coffee down on the table and turned slightly to be able to see her better. "I want to talk about us, Jen."

There it was. She knew that was what was going on here. Before he could get out another word Jen interrupted, "There is no "us" Jethro. I thought you understood that."

"Well I don't understand it." Jethro was trying not to yell.

"Then let me explain it to you again. I am your boss and you are my senior field agent. We are not involved on a personal level. That ended a long time ago."

"Is that the way you want things to be Jen? Is that honestly what you want?"

"Jethro, it doesn't matter what I want. That is the way it is."

"Of course it matters what you want!" Now he wasn't even trying not to yell. His frustration level was rising rapidly and he wanted to shake her. He tried to remember what Ducky had said about it being worth the effort.

Jen got up and walked away from the couch. She needed some space between them. She knew better than to let him touch her and she had seen in his eyes that was exactly what he wanted to do. Either that or head slap her. Jen could manage an argument with him but if he touched her the defenses she had built up over the months would be in serious jeopardy. He had a way of getting what he wanted when his hands were leaving little trails of fire on her skin. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jethro trying to get off the couch.

"Listen, Jethro, I don't want to fight with you. You are obviously in pain and you need to be at home resting. In a couple of days you will feel better and we can get back to doing what we do, catching bad guys. Let's not argue okay."

"I don't want to fight with you either, Jen. Yes, I am in pain but what I need is not to be at home. A few days is not going to matter Jen. Six years haven't mattered. I won't be coming back to the office on Monday. I want you to arrange a transfer for me." Jethro knew he wasn't fighting like Ducky wanted him to but it just wasn't any use. He could see by the way Jen moved away from him that she didn't want anything to do with him. He used to see passion and excitement in her eyes and now all he could see was her determination to shut him out. He stood up and started for the door. "I'll call Ducky to pick me up and wait for him outside."

For a moment Jen stood rooted in place but as Jethro started around the end of the couch she stepped in front of him. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Jethro was quitting or at least leaving the team. What the hell was happening here? This was definitely not what she had expected.

"Whoa, what the hell are you talking about Jethro? What do you mean you won't be coming back?"

"Exactly what I said Jen. I want a transfer. Preferably to someplace warm, near the water if I get to choose."

"Well you don't get to choose! I need my best agent here in DC. Jethro, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm trying to take care of myself, Jen. I can't keep working here and seeing you every day. That's all there is to it. You said it yourself, I'm getting careless. I need to leave now." Jethro tried to step around her but Jen was not moving. So, Jethro just stood in front of her looking at her and praying something would happen to change the direction this was going.

Standing in her living room, not two feet from Jethro, Jen knew she had to do something to keep him from walking out the door. She knew from experience that he was serious about what he was saying and if she let him leave her house she might never see him again. That was not what she wanted. Why couldn't he just come back to work and let things settle down? Why was he all of a sudden concerned about taking care of himself, he never worried about that before. Jen realized there must be something else he had come here to say. Her mind was a swirling mass of confusion but on one point she was very clear; she loved Jethro and she didn't want him to leave. She knew it wouldn't work between them but she had to at least get him to stay and let things get back to the way they were before he started avoiding her. Knowing the risk she was taking, Jen took a deep breath and reached for Jethro's hand.

"Jethro, come sit back down and let's talk about this. You are making some pretty wild statements and I don't want you leaving like this." She pulled him back to the couch and made him sit down.

When Jethro felt Jen take his hand he knew his prayer had been answered. He had been determined to walk out that door even though he didn't want to. His pride was rapidly getting in the way and he knew it. Feeling Jen's soft hand in his reminded him that he was here to fight for Jen, not with her. He let himself be led back to the couch and sank down resting his head back and closing his eyes.

They sat in silence for a long time. Jen had let go of his hand when they sat down and Jethro missed her touch all over again. For her part, Jen was beginning to question her determination to keep Jethro at arms length. Giving in to her need for him even for just that brief moment when she held his hand, had felt so right she wondered why it couldn't be that way all the time.

"Jethro, how did we get from arguing about cases to you wanting a transfer? I don't understand. I thought we were fine working together. Of course if that is what you truly want, I will make it happen but I can't believe you really want to leave DC. We have to talk about this."

Jethro had always been a man of few words and he decided now would be a good time to go back to that. Instead of trying to explain to Jen what was going on with him he decided to show her. Reaching out with his right hand he gently ran his fingers up and down her arm. When she didn't flinch or move away he let his hand wander up to her face. He ran his thumb over her lips before he leaned in and kissed her lightly on the mouth. Jen didn't kiss him back but she didn't move away either. Jethro sat back and looked into her eyes trying to read her. He saw confusion and love looking back at him and that was enough for now.

"Jethro that's not fair. That's not talking and you know it."

"We used to talk like that all the time Jen."

"I know it but that was then. What did you come here to say Jethro? I don't think you came just to tell me you wanted a transfer."

Here it was, the moment of truth. They had danced around enough Jethro decided. If he was going to fight for her now was the time. "No, I came to say I want you." When Jen didn't respond Jethro decided to plunge ahead. "I came here to try and convince you to give us another chance. Now that you know what I really want do you want to hear me out or do you want me to leave?"

Jen thought about that for the briefest of moments. "I want to hear what you have to say Jethro. Please continue."

"Okay, this might take me some time so try not to interrupt. After you hear what I have to say if you want me to leave I will. And I won't be back."

Jethro was putting a lot of energy into staying calm. What he really wanted to do was yell at her that he loved her and he wasn't taking no for an answer. He wanted to reach out and take Jen in his arms and kiss her senseless. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and feel the softness of her skin under his fingers. He certainly didn't want to leave and not come back but if that is what she wanted he knew that was exactly what would happen.

"Alright, Jethro. I won't interrupt again. Please say what you need to say."

Jethro ran his hand over his face and up through his hair. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew Jen would wait for him to speak; she wouldn't prompt him or push him. Finally he looked at her for a long moment taking in her red hair that was all piled up today and her green eyes that he used to loved to get lost in when they made love. He searched those eyes now for some hint of what she was thinking. He used to be able to read all kinds of emotions and thoughts in there but right now she was keeping everything pretty well locked up. After what seemed like at least ten minutes Jethro finally spoke.

"There is so much I need to say to you Jen but I'm going to start with the bottom line which is, I love you. I have loved you since Paris and I never stopped loving you even when I wanted to kill you for leaving me." Jethro paused and looked in her eyes again. Something was there that hadn't been there a moment ago but he wasn't sure what it was exactly. "Now that I've said that I will back up a little bit. I think we all know I have probably been on the verge of being careless with my own safety lately. I have been too distracted to do my job properly. Yesterday was the last straw as far as I'm concerned because not only was I injured but DiNozzo was hurt too and I can't accept that. I'm tired of fighting with you Jen. I know I start most of the arguments we have and I'm tired of doing that but I don't know how to stop. I can't stand seeing you with other men. When I saw you going out of the office with that Senator the night of our last big fight I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I decided that night that I needed to leave NCIS or at least the DC office. I can't keep being around you every day and not be able to touch you. I can't keep seeing you and not be allowed to kiss you. I need to either be part of your life Jen or I need to be gone."

Jen sat perfectly still and looked at Jethro as if she had never seen him before. Her mind was spinning and she wasn't sure if she could formulate a sensible response or not. She knew she loved Jethro but she also knew that on many levels that was a very bad idea. Her job was very important to her and being in a relationship with her senior field agent was not likely to be viewed favorably by her superiors. Until about twenty minutes ago, before Jethro showed up, she was content with her life and not willing to subject herself to the tumult that being involved with him would undoubtedly entail. Oh god, why did Jethro have to come here and pour his heart out to her. It was so much easier to deal with her feelings for him when he was yelling at her and causing untold amounts of trouble for her. At least when he was slamming her door and accusing her of undermining him she could yell back and tell him to get out. She wasn't sure how to deal with a Jethro who spoke so quietly and sincerely about loving her. This was very new territory and she warned herself to step carefully.

Jethro had continued to watch her face and her eyes for any sign of what she was thinking. He reached for her hand and very lightly brushed his thumb across her knuckles over and over again. He was very glad that she didn't pull her hand away.

"Jen please say something."

"I don't know what to say Jethro." When she said that she stood up and walked over to the window. She turned around and looked at him but she still was at a loss as to what to say to him. Part of her wanted to give in to her heart and tell him that she loved him but another part was warning her of the heartache that was just around the corner if she did that.

Jethro got up and pulled the CD from his pocket. He walked over to the stereo, put the disc in and found the right track. He was suddenly glad he had let Abby show him how to use his own CD player. He went to Jen and stood beside her. "I know this is going to sound crazy but I want you to listen to a song Jen. The night of our last fight I heard this song while I was drinking in the basement. It says at least part of what I need to say to you." Jethro pushed play and then went back to Jen. "Will you let me hold you, Jen? Just while the song plays. If you want me to leave after that I will."

"Okay Jethro. I won't want you to leave I can tell you that right now. We have to talk this out."

Jethro reached for her and Jen came to him and put her arms gently around his waist. He held her close with his good arm and she rested her head on his shoulder. As the song began to play she felt him softly rubbing circles on her back.

Every night it's the same I hear you callin' my name You're lying next to me I give into your charms You disappear in my arms I realize it's just a dream But…

Desperately, I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love and now

I shake the sleep from my head, Try to crawl out of bed Today is just another day. I make the coffee for one, I turn the radio on Pretend that everything's okay But…

Desperately I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love and now

I know there's no reason to smile It's gonna take me a while 'Cause I still love you desperately.

Desperately, I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love

And now I watch the sun goin' down There ain't nobody around I feel the night in the breeze I keep on tellin' myself I don't need nobody else And I can do as I please But…

Desperately I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love

And now I, desperately I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love

And now, every night it's the same I hear you calling my name

I still love you desperately I still love you I still want you I still love you desperately.

When the song was over Jen and Jethro stood where they were holding onto each other. Neither spoke and neither one moved. Jethro wanted to kiss her so badly he didn't know how he was stopping himself. Just when he didn't think he could stand it a moment longer Jen lifted her head from his shoulder and looked up into his face. Her fingers went to his hair and she pulled him down so she could kiss him softly on the mouth. Jethro kissed her back and for the first time in a long time he thought he might have a chance again.

Jen pulled away from the kiss and let her hands drop to Jethro's chest. There was so much emotion running through her she wasn't sure what she wanted to say or if she even trusted herself to speak. She knew she didn't want Jethro to leave but her stubborn streak wasn't quite ready to give in and open her heart to him again. She heard her inner voice asking 'Why not? Why not take this last chance at happiness?' Jen let her hands go around Jethro's neck and when she looked in his eyes she saw such love and desire there it took her breath away. Needing to break the tension she smiled up at him and said, "When did you start listening to country music?"

Of all the things Jethro was expecting her to say that was definitely not one of them. He saw her smiling at him. He recognized that smile. It was the one that used to mean she was about to get whatever she wanted. Jethro just laughed. He pulled her as close as he could and buried his face in her hair and laughed. He kissed her neck and tasted his way back to her mouth. She was still smiling that great smile. Jethro couldn't wait any longer. He took her mouth in a fierce, passionate kiss that he hoped would let her know exactly how much he wanted her and loved her. When he traced her bottom lip with his tongue she opened her mouth and welcomed him in. He deepened the kiss and held on until neither of them had any breath left. Finally breaking the kiss Jethro rested his forehead on hers and whispered, "I love you Jen. Please tell me we can try again. I don't want to leave you."

Jen was feeling a little weak in the knees so she backed up and drew Jethro onto the couch with her. Sitting sideways so she could look directly at him she said, "That was a beautiful song Jethro. Is that really how you feel, desperate?"

"Yes. I can't stay here without you Jen. It's as simple as that."

"You know it's not simple. It won't ever be simple with us Jethro."

Jethro took Jen's hand and raising it to his lips he kissed her palm. Then he kissed his way up her arm and back to those lips he loved to taste. After he had taken her breath away again, he said, "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me Jen. Tell me you don't want this as much as I do."

Jen shifted closer and took his face in her hands. She looked into the bluest eyes she had ever seen, eyes that had always captivated her. "I do love you Jethro. I never stopped loving you. I want this but I'm afraid of it at the same time." As soon as the words left her mouth Jen knew she had changed her life forever. In reality she had known her life as it had been was over the moment Jethro had kissed her when the song was over. The feel of his lips on hers, the taste of him and sensation of pure love she felt when he was holding her had been more than enough to tell her she had lost the battle to keep Jethro at arm's length. She finally admitted to herself that she didn't want him even that far away.

Jethro couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had come here today fully expecting Jen to throw him out. As much as he had hoped and prayed he could change her mind about them he didn't really expect to do so. When he heard her say she loved him Jethro suddenly didn't know what to feel. He couldn't form a coherent sentence so he just pulled her to him and kissed her. He let his fingers get all tangled in her hair while his tongue was getting all tangled up with hers. They were finally back to communicating without words and Jethro knew exactly where he wanted this 'conversation' to go. When they were both in real need of air they broke off the kiss and Jen burrowed in closer resting her head on his shoulder. She let one hand sneak inside his shirt to caress his chest and the other intertwined with his good hand. She couldn't get enough touching and being touched. 'Just like old times' she thought.

"Jen, I know this won't be easy and there are some things we will need to talk about but you know we can work out anything as long as we are together. I love you, I can't tell you that enough. We will be okay, I don't want you to worry about anything right now."

"I believe you Jethro. We will work out whatever we have to; together. We have wasted too much time. I love you. It feels so good to say that; I love you, Jethro."

Pretty soon touching and kissing was not enough. "Jen, I need you. I want to make love to you. I want to show you how much I love you."

"Are you sure Jethro? After all you just got out of the hospital this morning."

"I'm sure. I just don't want to rush you, Jen. We can wait if you need to." Jethro couldn't believe he had just said that. What was he thinking? He felt like if he didn't have Jen naked in bed in the next ten minutes he was going to explode. He said a quick prayer that she wouldn't want to wait.

His prayers were answered. "I don't need to wait Jethro." Jen kissed him quickly on the mouth and stood up offering her hand to help him off the couch. Jethro gladly took her hand and let himself be led upstairs. On the way Jethro spared a thought for Ducky. He wondered what his old friend was thinking right now since Jethro had not called for a ride home. Jethro grinned and reminded himself he owed Ducky big time for this one.

When they got to the bedroom all thoughts of Ducky, or work or anything else on the planet vanished from Jethro's mind. The only thing he could see or hear was Jen. The pain from his injuries disappeared and the only pain he could feel was coming from the tightness in his jeans.

Jen led him to the side of the bed before she let go of his hand. Jethro reached out and taking the hem of her shirt in his hands he pulled it off and let it fall to the floor. Thankful his cast was only to the elbow Jethro let his fingers wander from Jen's shoulders, down her arms and back again. The feel of her skin beneath his fingers was like silk. He traced a path across the swell of her breasts and around to her back where he quickly unhooked her bra. Jen let it fall between them and then reached out to unbutton his shirt. When it was completely undone she helped Jethro get it off and it joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Jen scraped her nails up and down his chest and Jethro began having trouble breathing. When her hands went to the button on his jeans Jethro leaned in and kissed her slow and deep. With his pants undone he managed to step out of them without losing contact with Jen's mouth. Jen quickly shed her pants and stepped right up against Jethro pulling him closer with her arms around his waist.

Jethro turned them and backed up to the edge of the bed and sat down pulling Jen between his knees. His hands skimmed up and down her back and he began leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses from her navel to her breasts. Soon his good hand found its way to her breasts and he began teasing her nipples until they were pebbled from his touch. He took one into his mouth and suckled, drawing circles around her nipple with his tongue. Meanwhile his hand was exploring her inner thighs and skirting the edges of her rapidly heating center. Jen's hands were everywhere. She couldn't get enough of touching him and what he was doing to her with his mouth and his hand was driving her quickly to the brink. When his hand finally cupped her wet center she moaned his name and somehow managed to find his mouth with hers. When they broke off the kiss, Jethro stood up and pushed her panties down until she could step out of them. She divested him of his boxers and took him in her hand gently stroking him while she kissed and licked her way around his chest.

Jethro backed Jen to the side of the bed and she laid back pulling him down with her. He quickly began to reacquaint himself with every inch of her soft, delicious skin. Her curves were just as he remembered them and he soon discovered her favorite spots hadn't changed over the years. He tasted her mouth and her breasts and finally her center. His hands roamed everywhere at once gentle and demanding. Jethro thought the best thing in the world was watching Jen come all undone under him. He allowed himself a little smirk when he realized he still had such power over her.

Jen must have seen that smirk because as soon as it appeared she wrapped her arms and legs around him and rolled them over. Not that he minded. The second best thing in the world according to Jethro was having Jen on top of him. She straddled his hips and leaning down Jen began a tasting of her own. Working her way from his eyes to his abdomen Jen left not even an inch unattended. She gently kissed and caressed his bruises and they instantly felt better. When she scooted down his legs and began kissing her way along his inner thighs, Jethro was the one coming undone. Jen looked up and saw Jethro was watching her. She finally took him in her hands and gently but firmly began stroking and licking him until he called out her name.

"Jenny, please. Not yet, I want to be inside you."

Jen stopped immediately and slid up his body so he was rubbing right against her wet, hot center. Jen was grinding down on him and Jethro arched up against her. She realized he would not be able to support his own weight on his broken arm so she raised up and took him into her. It was as if they had never been apart. Jen began moving and Jethro matched her pace with his hands on her hips urging her on. Wanting to make it last, Jethro sat up and wrapped her tightly in his arms kissing her with as much passion as he ever had. He felt her tighten around him and their movements became stronger and more erratic until they climaxed together. Jen lay on his chest and didn't move a muscle. She didn't want to lose the feeling of Jethro inside her so she just laid still until their breathing and their heart rates retuned to normal.

Jethro stroked her hair and whispered 'I love you' over and over in her ear. Jen finally rolled onto her side and Jethro pulled out of her. She missed him immediately.

In what might have been the understatement of the year Jen said, "Jethro, I'm really glad you came over today."

"Yeah, me too. Remind me to buy Ducky a bottle of the very best Scotch."

At the Mallard residence, Ducky looked at his watch and chuckled to himself. Apparently, Jethro was not going to need a ride home.

END

Thanks for reading and reviewing. Belated Happy New Year to everyone.


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